Life Etiquette

Things That Make You Go Huh?!

Do you ever see someone doing something and just wonder how they can be so dumb? Or annoying? Or alive? The things I see in New York City on a daily basis boggle my mind. From people being just plain dumb to just plain stinking rude. If you’re a tourist, there are things you should know before coming here. If you live here, there are things you should know if you want to not make everyone else’s lives miserable. If you are none of the above, you can still take these things into consideration and apply them to your life.

First off, let me just say, I know we all come from different places and different things annoy us, but for goodness sake, don’t walk and text. If you are unable to do it and remain at the same pace as the 300 people behind you, get the hell out of the way. Don’t walk up the subway stairs in the morning texting. Do you even have service?? Who are you even texting that early? We are all late, and you’re making us later.

Speaking of the subway, let’s discuss proper riding skills. If you see that there is no more room, don’t throw yourself into the closing doors to pack everyone in even more. There is always another train right behind this one, do us all a favor and wait. Should you manage to get on the train, don’t yell at people and ask them to move in. There is nomore room, get off. Next, don’t talk really loud. No one wants to hear your conversation, or your really loud music, turn your music and voice down. Unless you enjoy my laughter when the announcement is made that your stop is going to be skipped due to delays.

Next, will it kill you to hold doors for a person behind you? No. Do it more often. Unless the person behind you doesn’t live in your building and you think they are following you to break in and kill you. In that case, shut the door in their face.

If you must smoke, spritz yourself and throw a piece of gum in your mouth before you get in the elevator after your ciggy break. Please, and thank you.
If you’re out and you spill your beer on someone, apologize and get them a napkin. Hey, if you’re a guy it might even work out in your favor if she isn’t a total bitch, pick up trick? Don’t try it on me though, it won’t work. 

When you take your dog out, be courteous of those around you. Pick up their poop, and don’t let their leash out ten feet. Also, don’t assume everyone likes your dog. Some people just aren’t dog people and that’s all there is to it.

Tourists, hear ye hear ye. Put your map away, take out your iPhone and open the map app. It knows where you are and you can even get directions to where you’re going. Try not to ask people, 9 out of 10 people won’t even consider stopping to help you. I will help you, usually even if you don’t ask for it. Don’t leave your kids unattended. The people of New York City are not your babysitters. Given the fact that none of us want your kids, we won’t steal them. There are however really sick people that do want your kids, so please keep them within arm’s reach, and don’t walk five wide on the sidewalk. Also, don’t count your cash on the subway. Really??

Lastly, men. Do you really think whistling at me is going to make me stop and consider going home with you? Girls, if you would stop and consider going home with the pig, reevaluate your standards. I’d give a rubber dummy more attention than these men. The only good thing about these disgusting excuses for human beings is that I can tell if I look good. The mornings that I don’t get one whistle or “hey, ma” mean that I don’t quite look up to par. But, since I know I always look great, I don’t give a crap. 

That’s all for now. Please make note of those that apply to you.

Happy Sunday!


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